This weeks joke

Thomas aus LAU said:
Even true:
I had an old employee who received a severe, disfiguring gunshot wound in the face during World War II.
This employee regularly turtled with a female customer on the phone, e.g. "Beautiful woman" and other nice compliments she returned.
One day they met live the first time - she had a strong hump ......

Thomas aus LAU
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From the opening line I just knew this was going to be funny!
 
Dellortoman said:
I had a similar experience myself. About 30 years ago, I worked as an engineer for the local electricity authority. My work computer was a bit of a lemon with frequent technical problems, so I was always phoning the company's in-house IT support team. There was a woman there who often answered my calls for help. She knew her IT stuff really well and was always able to help me sort whatever problem I had. She had a really sultry voice and a confident and friendly manner on the phone. She had a Celtic name, and I imagined her to be a sexy-looking buxom Irish redhead. As we got to know each other, I started to make the odd risque comment on the phone and she'd respond, giving as good as she got.

After about a year of phone flirting with each other, I happened to be visiting the head office where she worked (I worked in a regional office). I had to drop in to the IT section for some reason, so I cast my eye about, wondering which one she was out of the 8 or 10 women working there. Then I heard an unmistakable sexy voice behind me when she answered the phone to some other caller. I turned around and saw one of the most hideously unattractive women I've ever seen in my life. She would have been in her mid-50's, about 5' tall and weighing 150kg. She had thinning hair on her head, blotchy skin and 3 chins with long dark hairs sprouting out of them. She had fingers like pork sausages which made me wonder how she could use a keyboard without hitting 3 keys at once. I finished my business in the IT office and left without identifying myself to her. In my subsequent telephone conversations with her I was always polite but way less flirty than before.

OK, call me shallow.
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Dellortoman said:
Exmoor beast, here's a guideline for you. Think how that woman would feel if she read your comments about her
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Sort of reminds me of the movie Shallow Hal. I seem to always make a mental picture of the people manning (the fast obsoleting) shipping coast radio stations who we call for testing HF, I am sure they look nothing like it.
 
Tippie said:
Sort of reminds me of the movie Shallow Hal. I seem to always make a mental picture of the people manning (the fast obsoleting) shipping coast radio stations who we call for testing HF, I am sure they look nothing like it.
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When we were doing Atlantic crossings from Europe to South America, on the tall ship Europa , we stopped each time, in Las Palmas for fuel and water , before the crossing. The girl who operated the radio in the Capitanary sounded so hot, there was always a fight to see who called her up before our arrival, those that didnt get to talk to her , would listen to her purring voice with big cheesy grins on their faces. It was an unspoken rule though, we didnt want to ruin each sailors individual fantasy, of how she looked to each of us in our deprived minds! So no one in those some 13 crossings we did, ever saw her. A few of us that have kept in touch with each other since those days always argue good in good nature, over how she looked
 
Poor lady in our old control room had a problem with her R's and W's. She was always being asked to put out attention drawn messages along the lines of-

" Eyes down for the following stolen vehicle. A wed wange wover wiv a woof wack. Wegistration number wubu wubu wubu fwee fwee fwee wubu ".

I do know what she looked like. Her nic name was 'Readers' as in 'Readers wives' so that might give you a clue.
 
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Perry said:
Poor lady in our old control room had a problem with her R's and W's. She was always being asked to put out attention drawn messages along the lines of-

" Eyes down for the following stolen vehicle. A wed wange wover wiv a woof wack. Wegistration number wubu wubu wubu fwee fwee fwee wubu ".

I do know what she looked like. Her nic name was 'Readers' as in 'Readers wives' so that might give you a clue.
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I’m not sure what ”Readers Wives” might be 🤥 but a Rep I knew had a lisp and was very proud of the fact he’d managed “ Thixty- thix thousand mileths on one thet of tyreths”
 
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