This weeks joke

Paul Marx said:
what's a Nils Armstreng?
That cyclist guy with one testicle and plenty of dope?
Paul
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Perhaps you’re thinking of Lance Armstrong…. dunno about him having one nut though.

Check out his photos wearing Lycra, then report back.

PS: If the misses catches you looking at male genitalia on the www, explain that it’s for investigative purposes….. she’ll so believe that!
 
The amount of shit he was taking he’d be lucky to have 2 peanuts left, those little
Waving tool bags under the seat are not for
Tools, they hold spare pairs of fresh socks
 
"If you step back and look at Armstrongs life overall, it is hard not to come away with the conviction that he is one of the most despicable, totally awful human beings ever to participate in sport."

him and Phil Read,
I remember at Monthlery in France a good few years ago (maybe 2000?) when a very young Giovani Laverda was being shown around the classic racers by his dad (Piero) and wanted to have PR's autograph in his book, many were there giving theirs away, many of them past greats such as Agostini, Miller etc etc PW was charging ten euro's, I dont think Giovani wanted it after he spied that! saw PW again a few years later at Italian day at the Ace cafe, and he had his clapped out 20 year old van there displaying his fame on big poster boards that looked very tatty through over use and some old pile of cack that he raced a few times, might have been a Paton and again he was charging a tenner for his scribble. Although I dont condone it people were throwing stones at him when he returned toi the IOM after having spent about 8 yerars bad mouthing the safety aspects of it, Agostini, did the same in 1972 and stuck to his guns.Plent more stories like that and I am glad that I was not one of the employees of Premier helmets, because if I was I would be hunting him down in order to do him damage, and dont mention the Bill Ivy race to orders ordeal for world championships for Yamaha.
CLEM
 
chrisk said:
Perhaps you’re thinking of Lance Armstrong…. dunno about him having one nut though.

Check out his photos wearing Lycra, then report back.

PS: If the misses catches you looking at male genitalia on the www, explain that it’s for investigative purposes….. she’ll so believe that!
Click to expand...
Armstrong, Lance, was operated upon for a testicular cancer, hence, only one.
Paul
 
chrisk said:
Perhaps you’re thinking of Lance Armstrong…. dunno about him having one nut though.

Check out his photos wearing Lycra, then report back.

PS: If the misses catches you looking at male genitalia on the www, explain that it’s for investigative purposes….. she’ll so believe that!
Click to expand...
Lance Armstrong , Adolf Hitler , and ........ Kenny Roberts .........

It seems King Kenny was cleaning a gun which accidently went off when pointing in an unfortunate direction ........ He reckoned it didn`t affect him too much ( ! ) ........ In fact it made it easier for him to slide off the saddle of the Yamaha whilst cornering ........ Not sure if that was on lefthanders , or right ......
 
CLEMTOG said:
"If you step back and look at Armstrongs life overall, it is hard not to come away with the conviction that he is one of the most despicable, totally awful human beings ever to participate in sport."

him and Phil Read,
I remember at Monthlery PW was charging ten euro's, I dont think Giovani wanted it after he spied that! saw PW again a few years later at Italian day at the Ace cafe, and he had his clapped out 20 year old van and dont mention the Bill Ivy race to orders ordeal for world championships for Yamaha.
CLEM
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Not Peter Williams as well as Phil Read ..... ! ......

Maybe a little harsh on Phil Read regarding the Yamaha team orders for 1968 ....... ( Yes , I`m going to mention it ) ..... Yamaha wanted the both the 125 and 250 titles to go to Bill Ivy .... upsetting Read who was the longer serving works rider , and winner of the 1964 and 1965 250 cc world titles for them ......

Ivy suggested to Yamaha that they re consider this arrangement , as Read was obviously upset , in order to maintain good relations between the two of them .......... So while Ivy signed his contract for both titles whilst in Japan , Reads contract was amended to state that he could take the 125 cc title , and Ivy would take the 250 title .......... , and this revised agreement was signed by Read , who was back in London by this time .......

Read was still unhappy about all this , feeling , quite rightly , that he had been treated unfairly by Yamaha ......... but he played along with it , up to and including the East German GP in July .......... At the start of the 250 cc race ( Ivy`s race ) , Read had opened up a 12 second lead over Ivy , but then he realised he had to lose those 12 seconds in order to let Ivy win ........

He knew that by just slowing his pace to let Ivy catch up , it would be obvious that something was afoot , so he pulled into the pits , told his mechanic to splash some water around to make it appear that he had some sort of engine problem , rejoined the race , caught and passed Ivy again , but then let Ivy re pass him on the last lap to take the win .......... The crowd , and everyone else , except Yamaha , thought this was fantastic racing , but of course it was all carefully stage managed racing to orders .....

Read put up with this until the next GP in Czechoslovakia .......... Ivy had become increasingly vocal about his ability to beat Read in both classes ....... This again upset Read , as he was , up to that point , following team orders by allowing Ivy to take wins in the 250 class which could easily have been his .......

As they lined up together on the grid at the start of the 250 race at Brno , Read leaned over to Ivy and told him that if he wanted to win this one , he was going to have to fight for it ....... Read won by fourteen and a half seconds ........ and went on to take the 250 , as well as the 125 titles , at the end of the year ......... against team orders ......

His relationship with Yamaha also nosedived further when Read wrote to the FIM informing them about what was going on ..... ( everyone knew team orders existed , but the last thing you did was bring it out into the open by admitting to it ........ ) ..... Yamaha quit GP racing at the end of `68 anyway , but the trouble Read created for them by contacting the FIM meant he could wave goodbye to any future help or support from them .....

Read`s attitude to having to follow team orders could probably been sown the previous ( 1967 ) season ....... In the 250 cc class that year Bill Ivy was supposed to have supported Read in that class ....... Ivy ignored this by taking the win at the French GP .......... maybe not significant at that point in the season , but at the end of the year Mike Hailwood and Phil Read finished on equal points ......... Hailwood and Honda took the title on the basis of best seven results ......... If Ivy had followed team orders at that French GP , then Read would have taken the title ......

Dave Croxford once said Read`s brains were in his pants ....... others have said that his attitude towards other people could be dire ....... It seems he could switch on and off ..... pleasant and affable to close friends and family ( although he did get through a few wives ) ........ but when it came to racing he would intentionally switch off ......... no Mr Nice Guy if you were competing against him ........

So maybe his difficult reputation is well deserved ......... Arturo Magni once described Read as The Tactician ........ always thinking about what it would take to win in any particular situation ....... Natural ability , mind games , rubbing people up the wrong way ......... as long as it works , who cares .... ? .....

BTW .... at the time of his death he was living in a caravan at the bottom of someone`s garden ...... so maybe he could be forgiven for asking for a few quid for his autograph after all .........

( Not very funny .... sorry about that ........ You can go back to your jokes now ... :) ...... ) .........
 
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There is a story in the current VMCC mag that I was unaware of, it seems that (not a long time ago) a member tried out and ran in a bike that Read was going to race in a past masters do somewhere, and on the day said member went up to Read after the race and told him that he was the first person to ride that bike out of the crate, Read's reply was, so that was why it was so fuxxxng useless, and this to an admiring fan and well wisher! I never did feel sorry for him after the Ivy/Read episode, he had several buisinesse's, including the Premiier helmet factory, and a Shop in Chertsey jointly with Hailwood (?), Rolls Royce cars, gifted MV's (including a childs one for his nipper) a private light aircraft, and lost the lot, to build back up again, and more than once. After the IOM return, Honda made replicas of the bike, (built by Seeley) with a written agreement that Read got a percentage of every "Phil Read Replica" that was sold, literally months later he demanded more commision and Honda refused to re-negotate the contract, the bikes then became "Honda Britain Replicas" and Read lost out.
CLEM
 
That lack of business acumen was maybe what Dave Croxford meant with the brains in his pants remark ....... Mike Hailwood was almost as adept at finding ways to lose money , one being a motorcycle dealership in partnership with Rod Gould ....

I always kind of liked Read ....... prickly characters are always more interesting than the plastic yes men you seem to get nowadays ........ who wouldn`t say boo for fear of upsetting the corporate goose ....


Favourite Read snippets ...............

On a starting grid next to a rider who was concerned his machine was overheating due to a delayed start .... ( Read ) ..." Don`t worry , you aren`t going to f*ck*ng win anyway " ........

Read on Arturo Magni ...... " He put his arm around my shoulder and told me ........... " Phil , a two stroke will never win a 500 cc World Championship ..... "

Read on Hailwood ....... " It would be impossible not to like Mike if it wasn`t for the fact that he`s so bloody good ... " .....


The shabby treatment Read received from Yamaha during the late `sixties is difficult to fathom ....... maybe due to Read`s insular personality ......

Bill Ivy , by contrast , was much more easy going , a more engaging individual who got on well with the Yamaha race team ........ As a result the Japanese seemed to have a genuine affection for little Bill ......... whereas with Read it was simply a matter of business .......
 
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rocketonarail said:
That lack of business acumen was maybe what Dave Croxford meant with the brains in his pants remark ....... Mike Hailwood was almost as adept at finding ways to lose money , one being a motorcycle dealership in partnership with Rod Gould ....

I always kind of liked Read ....... prickly characters are always more interesting than the plastic yes men you seem to get nowadays ........ who wouldn`t say boo for fear of upsetting the corporate goose ....


Favourite Read snippets ...............

On a starting grid next to a rider who was concerned his machine was overheating due to a delayed start .... ( Read ) ..." Don`t worry , you aren`t going to f*ck*ng win anyway " ........

Read on Arturo Magni ...... " He put his arm around my shoulder and told me ........... " Phil , a two stroke will never win a 500 cc World Championship ..... "

Read on Hailwood ....... " It would be impossible not to like Mike if it wasn`t for the fact that he`s so bloody good ... " .....


The shabby treatment Read received from Yamaha during the late `sixties is difficult to fathom ....... maybe due to Read`s insular personality ......

Bill Ivy , by contrast , was much more easy going , a more engaging individual who got on well with the Yamaha race team ........ As a result the Japanese seemed to have a genuine affection for little Bill ......... whereas with Read it was simply a matter of business .......
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Don’t know where you get the idea Read had no business acumen- Premier Helmets, Kangol & Arai Read replicas, he used to sell all sorts of Read merchandise ( and Barry Sheene merchandise, the cheeky twat) was involved with the early inflatable back protectors way back in the 80’s- now common place. He used to charge for everything, autographs, interviews etc. He used to write a column in Classic bike/ Racer until people complained every sentence started with Me, I, Myself. Very good racer, probably more like modern racers than people of his era- ahead of his time.
Saw him ride a road legal MV750 , that he borrowed off a member of the public, did a 99mph lap of TT doing a parade lap waving- jumped Ballaugh Bridge standing up! You never ever hear a bad word about Hailwood, people loved him- Read was never loved.
 
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