This weeks joke

Another c/o Dave Allen .......

Chap passes away and goes to heaven ...... He is met at the gates by St Peter who offers to show him around .......
Our chap accepts the offer and the two of them go for a little stroll around heaven .....

After a while , St Peter points out a group of people in the distance ....... " Those are the Jews " he says ........ A little later he points to another group " Those are the Baptists " , and then later "Those are the Hindus " , and those are the Anglicans " , and so on .......

" Right , ok " says our chap .....

Eventually they come to a large brick wall , 20 ft high , which stretches for miles in each direction .....

" What`s behind the wall ?" asks our chap ....

" The Roman Catholics " replies St Peter ....

" The Roman Catholics ?? ....... Why are they behind a wall ? " asks our chap .....

" Shush , shush , keep your voice down " says St Peter ....... " They like to think they`re the only ones here .... " ..........
 
Another little story I seem to recall is about the monkey that was imprisoned for being French ........

This was some time around the middle of the 18 th century ........ A stowaway monkey escaped from a ship docked in a port in South Wales , and made it`s way inland to a small village .......

Bear in mind this was some 250 - 300 years ago , so the villagers had little knowledge of life outside their village , and although being aware of the existence of the French , through word of mouth , they had no idea of what a Frenchman actually looked like , .... appearance , height , physical features and so on ......... these were all a complete mystery to them ..... and of course they had never seen a monkey before either ........

So when this excitable , hairy little fellow suddenly appeared , with no clothes on , and chattering away in some unintelligible dialect ........ they naturally assumed this must be a Frenchman ........ after all , he`s certainly not from around here , so what else could he be ... ? ......

Having satisfied themselves of this fact , the Frenchman was apprehended , and locked up , before he could cause any further trouble .......

( This story may seem to be unlikely ....... After all , back in 1066 , William The Bastard invaded from Normandy , which is now part of modern day France , and set about building his castles throughout England and Wales , from which his troops would venture out every now and again , from said castles , in order to intimidate , bully , and murder the local population ........... So you would think the inhabitants of this village would have some idea of what a Frenchman actually looked like ......... But there again , this is some 700 years further on , and it is the rural Welsh we`re dealing with here ...... so it may have escaped their memory........ ) .........

BTW ....... Whether this story is true or false , I must stress here that I have absolutely nothing against the inhabitants of modern day France , or Wales come to that , and hold nothing but the greatest admiration and respect for them ........................... It`s just something to bear in mind , that`s all ......


Having just upset about 29% of the people who view this forum with the last two posts , I think I`d better call it a day ( for now ) .........
 
Last edited:
Haggis said:
This is the version of the story I heard...
www.historic-uk.com

The Hanging of the Hartlepool Monkey

During the Napoleonic Wars legend has it that the people of Hartlepool hanged a shipwrecked monkey as a French spy...
www.historic-uk.com www.historic-uk.com
Click to expand...
It says that people from Hartlepool are known as “monkey hangers” ..this is of course untrue, they are Northern Monkeys.

 
rocketonarail said:
Seeing this reminds me that although Elvis Presley was reported as having died whilst sat on the toilet , he was actually found on the floor , a few feet away from it .......... makes you wonder which sort of motorcycle you could associate with that ....... An early drum braked Kawasaki H1 triple maybe ... ? .......
Click to expand...
Nah, RC213V for sure.
 
Well I was driving along the other day and I came across a fella selling Honey by the side of the road, I stopped to buy a jar and while I was there i noticed he was selling bees as well, so I said that I also wanted to buy a dozen bees. So I paid and he handed over the jar of honey and box containing the bees. As I was walking back to the car I open the box and counted 13 bees, so I went back and said that there was a mistake , I asked for a dozen bees but there are 13 in the box. the fella leaned over and looked into the box and then said, Oh that one is a freebie
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top