This weeks joke

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."
The first man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room.
All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
 
The madam opened the brothel door in Butte and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late fifties.
May I help you sir?" she asked.
The man replied, "I want to see Valerie."
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam.
He replied, "No, I must see Valerie."
Just then, a gorgeous Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5,000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.
"There are no discounts. The price is still $5,000."
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man,
"No one has ever been with me three nights in a row". Where are you from?"
The man replied, "Great Falls."
"Really," she said. "I have family in Great Falls."
"I know." the man said.
"Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."

The moral of this story is that three things in life are certain:

1. Death
2. Taxes; and
3. Being screwed by a lawyer.
 
DaveB said:
The Old Man (RIP) told me about a bloke he worked with in the South Australian Railways nicknamed Opium - apparently he was slow working dope.
Click to expand...
Think I mentioned before but we had a bloke at work called ' Isaiah ' because he had one eye higher than the other. Also a bloke who walked slightly bent to the left obviously called Eileen.
 
Once upon a time I ran the watersiderrs pay office in Lyttelton port. Every watersider had a nickname - and you had to know them.
Some which come to memory are -
The Judge - always sitting on a case
Spartacus - the scrawniest little alcoholic you can imagine who would fight anyone...
Dog Vomit - the Union walking delegate who always had something to bring up..
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top