This weeks joke

[Thomas aus LAU]

Are we supposed to read all that?

Jim

Well, at the latest when Santa Claus is in front of you, you have to be able to recite the whole text by heart without any errors.

Thomas aus LAU (still reading...)

 

[Laverda1000.de]

Are we supposed to read all that?

Jim

Out loud. I do it at least once a year, so I remember how to pronounce Terpsichore.

 

[Yogi]

Mate, come over and visit me. I’ve got some legal shit to share with you that could help. I thought I had problems…

Personally, I struggle with The Desiderata at Christmas time… and it’s nowhere near that long.

‘Go placidly amid the noise and haste…’. I strugle after that, yet I’ve heard it a thousand times.
So I know how you feel..

 

[Richard 180.S2.81]

Surely you stopped at the second verse…

Second line.

 

[Laverda1000.de]

Philistines

 

[Laverda1000.de]

Blimey Chris, have you already finished polishing your rims?

piet

I left them with those OCT guys so I could read more poetry.

 

[julian]

In deference to all the posters with English as a 2nd language, I doff me hat to ya..!!
View attachment 60235

I used to live in Reading, not reading
J

 

[Davo]

I spent ages looking for the laundromat in Bister. I gave up as I couldn't even find the bloody village. Fortunately I came across a laundromat on the outskirts of Bicester.

 

[Ian D]

 

[Shajota]

Thought about putting this in the Getting Old thread. New colours.......!!

 

[chrisk]

Thought about putting this in the Getting Old thread. New colours.......!!

Works for me.....

 

[Davo]

I'm in the Meloxicam Chapter

 

[chrisk]

I'm in the Meloxicam Chapter

I’m an up and, almost, coming Prospect of the Viagra Chapter.

 

[Davo]

So you are probably neither up nor coming

 

[chrisk]

So you are probably neither up nor coming

Limp joke Dave...... actually, when I was overweight I needed Viagra. Got fitter and never needed it again. But then, We both got older and even if I needed it, it’d stay in the draw.

 

[Davo]

When Viagra first came out I was asked for a script by a Yugoslav bloke well into his 80's. I asked if he had discussed this with his wife. He wanted to know what business it was of hers. The accompanying look would have withered fruit at 100m.

 

[chrisk]

I was helping out in the kitchen, my wife chipped me off about rinsing the greasy fry pan in the sink. I got a lecture about fat islands floating in the oceans.

That night we were spooning in bed, the cleft of her buttocks was pushing against my ever hardening manhood. I thought I’d try my luck and take it further, when she said she had a headache.

Grunting, I rolled over, she asked what was wrong? “Well there goes another fat down the drain”.

 

[sideshow]

I was helping out in the kitchen, my wife chipped me off about rinsing the greasy fry pan in the sink. I got a lecture about fat islands floating in the oceans.

That night we were spooning in bed, the cleft of her buttocks was pushing against my ever hardening manhood. I thought I’d try my luck and take it further, when she said she had a headache.

Grunting, I rolled over, she asked what was wrong? “Well there goes another fat down the drain”.

You could have penned many a mills and boom

 

[Andy]

“And the ever-youthful ChrisK mooned the audience then strode manfully from the bar, kicked his powerful Lav into second gear and with starter motor screaming, wheelied downhill into the setting sun.”

Apologies to Chris, Ron, and Barbara Cartland

 

[Legs]

With the Ashes test matches about to start time for a cricket joke.
Viv Richards and Ian Botham are strolling down King William Road towards the Adelaide Oval to take up their commentary duties when they are 'caught short' on the City Bridge over the Torrens River.
They stand side by side relieving themselves into the river, Ian turns to Viv and says,
'Water's cold'.
'And deep' replies Viv.