This weeks joke

Guy goes into a bar, sits next to a blonde watching the 1700 news program on the tv.
"What's happening?"
"The guy on the top of that building is threatening to jump. I bet you 20 bucks he doesn't"
"You're on"
The guy jumps, kills himself, she gives him the 20.
"Nah" he says. "I can't take it from you. I watched it on the 1600 news"
"So did I, but I didn't think he'd do it again"
 
Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on UK television with British TV host Anne Diamond.

He used the word "manyana" (pronounced "man -yana").  Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means:  "Maybe the job will be done tomorrow; Maybe the next day; Maybe the day after that; Or perhaps next week; Next month; Next year. Who really cares?"

The host turned to Albert Yatapingu from the Gumbaingeri Tribe (aboriginal) who was also on the show She asked him if there was an equivalent term in his native language.

"Nah" he replied. "In Australia we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency?.
 
Or...the favorite for close on forty years spotted in a public loo at one of London's stations:

My mother made me a homosexual


In Different Handwriting.....If I got her the wool would she make me one too !

God Bless The British
 
To prevent any more mass school shootings in the US, many state Education departments have required that professors and other instructors (including daily casual replacement teachers) now have to be trained in new security procedures being implemented as the schools return after the summer holidays. So next week I have to go through a 3 hour presentation on what to do if a student with an AR-15 starts shooting people. The police have already said they won't be able to get there in time to do anything, so we have to distract the shooter(s) to reduce the number of people who get shot to a minimum.
And we also have to go through a full day of training on how not to to piss kids off so they won't decide mass shooting is a good idea (like, not giving them grades they don't like, or asking them to stop playing with their phones in class).

The above is not a joke.
BUT, an Australian alternative view of the topic https://youtu.be/GC9OBnS3yW0 IS a joke. Sort of. I'd like to show it to the cops who will be running the training an how to disarm the kid with the AR-15, but I don't think it will happen.

Ken
 
nice little video, but the commentator forgot to mention the collateral you need to come into OZ as a permanent resident.
driving on the wrong side of the road with a Laverda is no-go :o
 
I think Australians don't want to shoot one another. Kiwis are apparently even more extreme, they can own bump stocks, silencers, colossal magazines, but they just don't shoot one another.
But in Chicago, at least 35 people shot over the weekend. Only 3 killed.

Ken
 
I was invited to the Premature Ejaculation Society's dinner.
I asked what the dress code was and they said to just come in my pants.
 
And now for some adult humour:-

Why does Mr Potato Head have a mobile?

In case Mr Onion Rings!

(makes even more fun if you are into Oz politics nicknames)
 
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