Tyres, Battery, Oil and Beer

[chrisk]

A couple of days off away from home in North Queensland and I thought a counter attack would be good.

Order food and look at the beer taps on the counter x 9.

I’ve never heard of any of them! I look around thinking I’ve walked in a bar on Mars….. nope, no Martians around.

Barman “What will you have”
“A beer that tastes like beer”
Barman “Hmmmm (while he thinks about it) I’ll get you one”

It looks like beer, but tastes like a German wheat beer!

Then I read on the bar coaster: Craft Beer Bar

FFS, a bloke just wants a beer, not paper machae in a glass!

 

[Sir Sidney Ruffdiamond]

I find as I get older I question what I am seeing as well as missing some key Facts - for example the signage on men’s and ladies loos is quite confusing and needs to be examining carefully before making a selection

 

[rocketonarail]

I find as I get older I question what I am seeing as well as missing some key Facts - for example the signage on men’s and ladies loos is quite confusing and needs to be examining carefully before making a selection

Quite so ....... the last thing you need when dying for a piss is to be confronted with bog doors marked " Stags " and " Hounds " for example , or something stupid like that ........ Give me an image of a bloke with his legs slightly apart , and a woman in a dress any day .........


One thing that also annoys me is when some bloke will come in ..... not be sure of which beer to order .... decides on one ........ but then will ask for a little sample / taster in a shorts glass ........ only if it lives up to his exacting standards will he then go ahead and order a pint .............
It`s only a beer mate ...... after three or four you won`t notice any difference anyway .........

........ Jesus Christ ............ ...............


Which reminds me of a little story involving Jerry ....... who was a nice , friendly , affable but largely built ( fat ) chap in his early sixties .
Jerry usually stood at one end of the bar , facing towards a television set which was positioned just above the opposite end of the bar .......

One night Jerry was stood at his usual end of the bar , waiting to be served , when a programme about Michael Jackson started on the TV opposite .

Jerry , not being a great fan of the pasty -faced , pug-nosed King Of Pop , started exclaiming ( in a very loud voice ) ...... " Look at that prat " ...... " What a f*cking idiot " .... " What does he think he looks like " .....etc ........ completely oblivious to the fact that directly under the TV was a rather timid looking individual , also waiting to be served ......... who being unaware of what was being shown on the TV just above his head , was becoming increasingly concerned about this rather large , fat chap who was seemingly hurling insults at him from across the bar , for no reason whatsoever .........


Happy days ............

 

[The Sock]

Used to frequent a pub/restaurant, in Scotland, which had 'Laddies', complete with kilted silhouette, on the door of the Gents.
You could rarely finish a piss before some deeply embarrassed, female tourist burst through the door.
Red-faced, she would pirouette and go in search of the 'Lassies'.
Oh, how we laughed (not).

 

[Exmoor beast]

Actor Richard Harris was having a piss in the wrong toilet, outraged woman screams “This is for LADIES!”
Cock in hand Harris replies “ So is this but I’m not going to give it to you!”

 

[Exmoor beast]

I find as I get older I question what I am seeing as well as missing some key Facts - for example the signage on men’s and ladies loos is quite confusing and needs to be examining carefully before making a selection

Half way through a piss you realise there weren’t any urinals….

 

[rocketonarail]

Half way through a piss you realise there weren’t any urinals….

That happened once when on a work related car trip to Ystrad Mynach in South Wales , my work mate and me were so dying for a wee when we arrived , we ran into the office building ...... asked someone where the toilets were ...... ran upstairs , which didn`t help ...... crashed through the door ........ and started pissing against a tiled wall ...... eyes closed , pure bliss ...... before realising the urinal tray was over to our right ........

 

[Shajota]

A couple of days off away from home in North Queensland and I thought a counter attack would be good.

Order food and look at the beer taps on the counter x 9.

I’ve never heard of any of them! I look around thinking I’ve walked in a bar on Mars….. nope, no Martians around.

Barman “What will you have”
“A beer that tastes like beer”
Barman “Hmmmm (while he thinks about it) I’ll get you one”

It looks like beer, but tastes like a German wheat beer!

Then I read on the bar coaster: Craft Beer Bar

FFS, a bloke just wants a beer, not paper machae in a glass!

Just spent a week or so in Yeppoon. Went to a largish bottle shop, was looking around when I saw a good beer with no price tag. Asked the young bloke and he went and checked, came back, told me the price and said, yeh pretty dear, hey. I told him it was good beer though, he should try it. He said he mainly sticks to the rum. Told him he should start having a few beers because the rum will mush his brains and he said he just might.
Anyway, found a cheap 30 pack of some sort I'd never seen and decided to give it a go (No doubt it was some sort of cheap chain beer) . Went to the counter and the same young bloke came over to serve me. Told him I'd gone down market. He nodded and said yeh they'd be the cheapest they had. Told him I'd never tasted that beer and he said it has a bit of fruitiness! I said, you shouldn't have told me that (they can shove their trendy craft fruity stuff up their proverbial) He looked at me and said, no, that's right, they say it doesn't have any fruitiness!! Told him that sounds much better and left with the box knowing full well he didn't have clue either way what he was talking about.
Later went to a craft brewery in town and talking to the owner he said one of their most popular beers was their Pineapple Beer!!
As for toilets, a favourite in some areas of NQ that shouldn't confuse, Mangoes and No Mangoes......................

 

[chrisk]

Half way through a piss you realise there weren’t any urinals….

I shared a house with Bern. He’d get pissed fall asleep and wake up in the middle of the night for a piss, stand at the open bedroom window and piss out the window.

Berns new girlfriend moved his bed because of fung shoo.

Bern comes home pissed, the girlfriend already asleep in his bed.

I was woken up by the girlfriend’s scream “Ahhh, Bernie you dirty fuck” “Christ Bern”

Seems Bern got a bit confused by the new layout and pissed all over the new girlfriend.

 

[chrisk]

Just spent a week or so in Yeppoon. Went to a largish bottle shop, was looking around when I saw a good beer with no price tag. Asked the young bloke and he went and checked, came back, told me the price and said, yeh pretty dear, hey. I told him it was good beer though, he should try it. He said he mainly sticks to the rum. Told him he should start having a few beers because the rum will mush his brains and he said he just might.
Anyway, found a cheap 30 pack of some sort I'd never seen and decided to give it a go (No doubt it was some sort of cheap chain beer) . Went to the counter and the same young bloke came over to serve me. Told him I'd gone down market. He nodded and said yeh they'd be the cheapest they had. Told him I'd never tasted that beer and he said it has a bit of fruitiness! I said, you shouldn't have told me that (they can shove their trendy craft fruity stuff up their proverbial) He looked at me and said, no, that's right, they say it doesn't have any fruitiness!! Told him that sounds much better and left with the box knowing full well he didn't have clue either way what he was talking about.
Later went to a craft brewery in town and talking to the owner he said one of their most popular beers was their Pineapple Beer!!
As for toilets, a favourite in some areas of NQ that shouldn't confuse, Mangoes and No Mangoes......................

Fucken pineapple beer!!!! The world’s gone troppo….

 

[motoddrob]

That Broome brewery Matsos do weird beer like mango which tastes to me like shit. Also do a chilli beer that I couldn't resist buying a six pack of being a lover of chilli. Not too bad I say with a warm after glow on the palate. Wouldn't buy it again though.

 

[piranha-bro2]

All sorts of weird shit out there - i've seen oyster-flavoured!! The 'tropical' ones are def not to my taste. Gimme a good porter in cooler weather and I'm happy. Will drink water before I'll drink VB.

 

[chrisk]

Will drink water before I'll drink VB.

Oh dear, I’m going to be way better off $$$ for not sending you a Christmas card this year …. you’re off my Christmas card list

I like VB cold cold, stubbies only.

Have concluded that VB made in Victoria is better than VB made in QLD.

When in QLD, I prefer Great Northern heavies. Is ‘the beer for up here’

When in Victoria I go VB ‘For a hard earned thirst’

Eagle AEye Shajota my be able to pick where the picture was taken, a clue is the beer I’m drinking

 

[Sir Sidney Ruffdiamond]

My gaff was in Madeira airport a few years ago - dying for a piss I went through the door - just one women at the sink and cubicles - the sign made me think it was unisex so got in the cubicle and released the pressure ( no farting so I was being polite ) ran out with the woman at the sink just glaring - fortunately got out the door without anyone else seeing me !

 

[Shajota]

Oh dear, I’m going to be way better off $$$ for not sending you a Christmas card this year …. you’re off my Christmas card list

I like VB cold cold, stubbies only.

Have concluded that VB made in Victoria is better than VB made in QLD.

When in QLD, I prefer Great Northern heavies. Is ‘the beer for up here’

When in Victoria I go VB ‘For a hard earned thirst’

Eagle AEye Shajota my be able to pick where the picture was taken, a clue is the beer I’m drinking

Hmm, a grassy esplanade area in NQ, that narrows it down to a few hundred
I'll take your clue as referring to the marlin and most famous marlin fishing charters done from Port Douglas (Lee Marvin etc), but pic doesn't remind me of anywhere at Port Douglas so has to be Cairns?
(BTW - you should try the Great Northern Long Run - very nice, but expensive.................)

 

[chrisk]

Hmm, a grassy esplanade area in NQ, that narrows it down to a few hundred
I'll take your clue as referring to the marlin and most famous marlin fishing charters done from Port Douglas (Lee Marvin etc), but pic doesn't remind me of anywhere at Port Douglas so has to be Cairns?
(BTW - you should try the Great Northern Long Run - very nice, but expensive.................)

Well…. not that far north, south of Mackay but north of Ilbillbie

 

[Shajota]

Well…. not that far north, south of Mackay but north of Ilbillbie

Ahh, doesn't help. I know those areas well, however haven't visited the beach areas between those spots for a while and none used to have such a nice grassy area like that, but I guess we have had a good wet season and council must have improved one of the beachsides.
Stab in the dark - Sarina Beach?
(Edit - thinking about it I'll go more specifically Sarina Beach Motel (they do have nice grassy areas.............. )

 

[chrisk]

Well done dear Watson

 

[piranha-bro2]

Told this story before. Spent an Easter at that very beach in 1973 or 74 on our Easy Rider road trip (riding RT2 Yamaha 360s). Mate and i had no money on us but a little bit in the bank - but all closed for 4 days over Easter. We had no food and were getting effing hungry. He climbed one of those coconut trees but couldn't dislodge one. We agreed he'd sell his old souvenir 5 pound note, bought an icy pole each and some fishing tackle. Caught nothing and remained hungry until the Tuesday!

 

[chrisk]

Told this story before. Spent an Easter at that very beach in 1973 or 74 on our Easy Rider road trip (riding RT2 Yamaha 360s). Mate and i had no money on us but a little bit in the bank - but all closed for 4 days over Easter. We had no food and were getting effing hungry. He climbed one of those coconut trees but couldn't dislodge one. We agreed he'd sell his old souvenir 5 pound note, bought an icy pole each and some fishing tackle. Caught nothing and remained hungry until the Tuesday!

Here’s one for you