This weeks joke

[Paul Marx]

A joke for the current season in the Northern Hemisphere
People often complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker and a frozen carburetor.
Last January on a bitterly cold winter's day, a North Dakota State Trooper on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full-face helmet to protect their face from the cold weather.
“What’s the matter? Asked the Trooper
"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.
"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."
"I can't," said the biker.
"OK, watch me closely and I'll show you."
The Trooper unzipped and promptly warmed the carburetor as promised.
Moments later the bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the local State Troopers’ office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorcyclist.
It began: "On behalf of my daughter Jill..."

Female motorcyclists need not fear the frozen carb any more.
Corinne is never without one.
Paul

 

[julian]

Isn't that an air intake from one of those modern superbikes?

 

[Paul Marx]

Isn't that an air intake from one of those modern superbikes?

No, it's for an Atlas.
Paul

 

[3C-Wayne]

Thought I clicked on the Oil Funnel link by mistake...

 

[helicopterjim]

Do you have this on your helmet HelicopterJim
View attachment 69141

No ..... I'm never scared once I get off the ground. Sometimes it takes a bit to get my nerve up though.

Here is the back of my first helmet ........ retired after 10,000 hours or so. Best part is the joke that goes with it that shall be shared on this page (next post).

A bit scratched out but one says "Ice Patrol" ..... given to me by a Coast Guard pilot.
The other says "I'm a Pig". It was put on my helmet by the ground crew when I was heli-logging. It is in reference to a joke that we all thought was quite entertaining for us loggers! I didn't even notice it for several weeks.

Jim

 

[helicopterjim]

So one day a pig is walking down a road and he sees a rabbit walking towards him saying "I'm a pig! I'm a pig! I'm a pig!"
The pig says " Shut up rabbit. I'm a pig."

The rabbit walks down the road saying "I'm a pig! I'm a pig! I'm a pig!"
The pig says "Hey! Rabbit! I said shut up! I'm a pig and your not!"

The rabbit keeps on strutting down the road saying "I'm a pig! I'm a pig! I'm a pig!"
Now the pig is mad! He yells out "Rabbit! Shut the fuck up! You are not a pig! I am a pig ..... so piss off!'

The rabbit jumps in front of the pig and starts jerking off! He comes all over the pigs face and then he jumps over top of the pig and fucks the pig in the ass ...... then he jumps in front of the pig and fucks the pig in the face and then comes all over the pigs face again!

Then the rabbit starts walking down the road again saying "I'm a pig! I'm a pig! I'm a pig!"


I told this joke to the ground crew a few times and somehow I ended up with a sticker on the back of my flight helmet. I may have done a few crazy things back in the day to maybe warrant earning it .......... the Walmart lady and the knuckle alarm clock may have made them feel I was worthy.

Jim

 

[Eurocycleguy]

4 Husbands
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.


(Wait for it)



She smiled and explained,
"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

 

[julian]

Q1. Why do men usually die before their wives?
-
A1. Because they have wives.



Q2. Why do men usually die before their wives?
-
A2. Because they want to.

 

[BlackJota]

A young Sydney woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the harbour.

Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man.

"I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.

From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn.

Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."

"I see," the captain said.

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain.

"This is the Manly Ferry."

 

[Love..rda]

 

[Ian D]

I went for the job interview and the interviewer said they are looking for somebody who is responsible....

I said 'I'm your guy!'
They asked why...
'Well at my old job if something went wrong, something went missing or somebody got hurt, they always said I was responsible'

 

[The Sock]

They asked what I thought was my biggest fault.
"Honesty."
" I don't think that's a fault."
"Like I give a fuck what you think."

 

[Love..rda]

I went for the job interview and the interviewer said they are looking for somebody who is responsible....

I said 'I'm your guy!'
They asked why...
'Well at my old job if something went wrong, something went missing or somebody got hurt, they always said I was responsible'

Malaussène docet!

 

[rowdypat]

 

[Legs]

 

[Chappo]

 

[Eurocycleguy]

Laverda approved

 

[Dellortoman]

Not a joke: During the years I worked in Anrarctica, they used to issue those piss funnels to women going south. Probably still do. It's not a lot of fun going for a piss in a blizzard if you have to drop your pants. It's actually an important safety device for women. Standard issue Antarctic outdoor wear included trousers that are like bib and brace overalls (dungarees?), so you have to remove your jacket to get them off. At -40° plus wind chill factor, you could be overcome by hypothermia without your outer clothing in the time it takes to have a piss outside. You really don't wanna get frostbite on your naughty bits. Having a crap on an expedition was something that needed planning.

 

[The Sock]

 

[Eurocycleguy]

Probably has a man purse over his shoulder.