This weeks joke

Posted on a different site by a submariner mate.
I've got a warie; a couple of years ago I was posted to Timor Leste as the Senior Naval Advisor. I moved into a very flash unit in Dili. Now the toilet bowel had a small pipe and what looked like a nozzle pointing up at the water line. Being a good submariner, I traced the system and discovered that it had a valve on the side of the bowel that directs a stream of water to one's behind whilst sitting on the toilet. Obviously the system was designed to assist in cleaning ones nether region after ablutions. Next morning I had my morning nard and decided to give the butt cleaning system a crack (get it?). I turned the valve and, instead of the feather-like massage of a gentle stream of cleansing water, I was horrified to discover that it directed a solid jet of water straight up my date. I panicked and instead of turning it off, I increased the pressure and now had the equivalent of full fire-main pressure quickly filling my bowels. My eyes were like pusser's duff bowels and a howl, that sounded like a wounded beast of hell, filled the room. I ejected myself from the seat, slipped ass-up and hit the deck. The full bore of water was now causing a venturi effect and emptying the contents of the toilet out of the bowel up to the roof and then being dispersed throughout the bathroom. At this point the relief valve on my duck-run had hit critical pressure and lifted; I was on my hands and knees spraying asswater all over the place. Finally I was fully drained down and pretty confident my bore could be sighted as clear. I got the water turned of and surveyed the damage. The bathroom was covered in toilet paper and nard. I had exactly 20 minutes before the Chiefs picked me up for work and the cleaning lady arrives. But suddenly there was a knock on the door, the Chief Bosun, who was living near by, heard the yells and was investigating. I managed to put him off and did the quickest crapper clean that I have ever done. I decided to come clean and tell the Chiefs what happened and the CPOMTP almost pranged the car from laughing. The cleaning lady always looked at me in a strange way; probably because for the rest of my time in that unit I was still plucking toilet paper from light fixtures and other strange places. What a start to a posting.
 
Ian D said:
"Well ya see fella's, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as
fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know,
kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain
cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the
weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." :cool:
Click to expand...
Does this lead to "Hold my beer I've got an idea..."
 
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