This weeks joke
- Thread starter chrisk
- Start date
chrisk
Hero member
- Location
- Brisbane, Australia
A Kiwi sheep farmer is at the produce store in Nelson. The storekeeper asks if he is okay because he was looking downhearted.
“Bro, it’s breeding season and my rams aren’t doing there job properly, not one pregnant ewe”
“Is okay, bro take them up the back paddock and serve them yourself”
“How will I know when they’re pregnant?”
“Bro, leave them in the house paddock, if in the morning they’re rolling in the mud, they’re pregnant, if they’re rolling in the grass their not”
Farmer puts 5 sheep in the back of his Ute, takes them up the back paddock and shags the fuck outa them, takes them home and puts them in the house paddock.
Next morning he says to his wife, “look out the window and tell me what the sheep are doing”
“Oh, they’re out there rolling in the grass”
Disappointed, he goes out, puts them in the Ute, up the back paddock and fucks them ragged.
Next morning, wife gives him the same news, rolling in the grass.
This continues for 5 days and the Kiwi sheep farmer is so buggered he gets out of bed late.
“What are the sheep doing?”
Wife looks out the window and says “That’s unusual”
What says the farmer?
“There’s 4 sheep in the back of the Ute and one in the drivers seat tooting the horn”
“Bro, it’s breeding season and my rams aren’t doing there job properly, not one pregnant ewe”
“Is okay, bro take them up the back paddock and serve them yourself”
“How will I know when they’re pregnant?”
“Bro, leave them in the house paddock, if in the morning they’re rolling in the mud, they’re pregnant, if they’re rolling in the grass their not”
Farmer puts 5 sheep in the back of his Ute, takes them up the back paddock and shags the fuck outa them, takes them home and puts them in the house paddock.
Next morning he says to his wife, “look out the window and tell me what the sheep are doing”
“Oh, they’re out there rolling in the grass”
Disappointed, he goes out, puts them in the Ute, up the back paddock and fucks them ragged.
Next morning, wife gives him the same news, rolling in the grass.
This continues for 5 days and the Kiwi sheep farmer is so buggered he gets out of bed late.
“What are the sheep doing?”
Wife looks out the window and says “That’s unusual”
What says the farmer?
“There’s 4 sheep in the back of the Ute and one in the drivers seat tooting the horn”
Attachments
Andy
Hero member
- Location
- Auckland, roughly
Baa humbug
The Sock
Hero member
- Location
- London, England
Or, indeed,...
I'll let you work out the caption.
I'll let you work out the caption.
The Sock
Hero member
- Location
- London, England
The Sock
Hero member
- Location
- London, England
Reunited Chris
Senior member
- Location
- Sydney
Laverda SF
Hero member
rocketonarail
Hero member
- Location
- Gloucestershire,England
I`m suddenly reminded of an old Les Dawson mother-in-law joke .........
" I was walking down the road with the wife , when we spotted a group of men across the way beating up her mother ........
She said " Aren`t you going to help ? " ...... I said " No , five should be enough ...... " ..........
" I was walking down the road with the wife , when we spotted a group of men across the way beating up her mother ........
She said " Aren`t you going to help ? " ...... I said " No , five should be enough ...... " ..........
Last edited:
Shajota
Hero member
- Location
- Whitsundays Qld
Religion, not politics you say? Yeh, why not............
One morning in a bar on the Gold Coast tourist strip there were 3 visitors having a quiet drink.
Suddenly, lo and behold Jesus walks into the bar, spreads his arms and says
"Fear not, I have returned and am here to cure your ills and make your life better"
The bloke nearest to him, an American, stands up and says "I've had a bad back for years, comes with crippling pain and they've told me nothing they can do and it will get worse"
Jesus puts his hand on the mans back and says, "your back is healed"
The man straightens up and instantly feels great, plenty movement in his back and he thanks Jesus profusely.
Next, a British woman says "I've had incredible joint pain for years, sometimes I can barely move and even walking is a chore"
Jesus waves his hand around the woman and say "Your joints are healed, there will be no more pain"
The lady starts walking around totally pain free and jumps for joy "Thank you Jesus, thank you"
Jesus then notices the 3rd person, a big beefy Aussie tradie who isn't saying anything, so Jesus walks up to him and says.
"And you, my dear man, what ails you that I can heal?"
The Aussie tuns his head to Jesus and says,
"Fuck off, I'm on compo!"
One morning in a bar on the Gold Coast tourist strip there were 3 visitors having a quiet drink.
Suddenly, lo and behold Jesus walks into the bar, spreads his arms and says
"Fear not, I have returned and am here to cure your ills and make your life better"
The bloke nearest to him, an American, stands up and says "I've had a bad back for years, comes with crippling pain and they've told me nothing they can do and it will get worse"
Jesus puts his hand on the mans back and says, "your back is healed"
The man straightens up and instantly feels great, plenty movement in his back and he thanks Jesus profusely.
Next, a British woman says "I've had incredible joint pain for years, sometimes I can barely move and even walking is a chore"
Jesus waves his hand around the woman and say "Your joints are healed, there will be no more pain"
The lady starts walking around totally pain free and jumps for joy "Thank you Jesus, thank you"
Jesus then notices the 3rd person, a big beefy Aussie tradie who isn't saying anything, so Jesus walks up to him and says.
"And you, my dear man, what ails you that I can heal?"
The Aussie tuns his head to Jesus and says,
"Fuck off, I'm on compo!"