This weeks joke

chrisk said:
New imagrant when to English lessons. They went on feild trip, first to the airport, learned to say take off. Then to the zoo, he learned zebra. Next stop to the maternity ward, where he leaned baby.

On the bus trip home a lady asked what he'd been doing today..... learned some new words he replied ... oh really, what did you learn?

Take off zebra baby.
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Davo said:
Nah, single use disposable plastics these days. The exxy ones even have a built in light.
I do have one of these for long distace work though.

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Reminds me of a joke .... helllo, we're in the Jokes Section:

A man and a woman are about to have sex He puts his finger inside her, she moans, then says, that feels great... put you whole hand in.
He puts his hand in and she moans, oh, that's great.... put your whole arm in.
His arm goes in all the way to his shoulder, oh my god, that is fantastic ...... put you head in.
He squeezes his head in, and he could hear her say, oh shit, that is great .... put you whole body in.
Wriggling and worming his way in, he bumps into something.

Another mans voice says, hey mate, did you bring your torch in? No, why would you want a torch?
If I can find my fucken keys, we can ride my RGS outa here!
 
A Highway Patrolman was parked beside a long lonely stretch of Texas road, when a red Corvette convertible zipped by, obviously over the speed limit. The Patrolman gave pursuit and the Corvette sped up. Finally the Patrolman caught up to the Corvette and pulled the driver over. Storming up to the car, the Patrolman yelled at the driver, an older man with gray hair, "did you see me behind you"? The man in the car says yes I did. The Patrolman asked him why he did not slow down and pull over. The man said, " my wife ran away with a Highway Patrolman 3 years ago, and I thought that you were bringing her back"!!!
 
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.
Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only
tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his dangly bits and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?
(of course there's a moral!)

"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks"
 
chrisk said:
Oh dear ..........
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Aw c'mon Chris, how about this oldie...............

I went for a Chinese meal last night and got chatting to the waiter.
He told me he lived in Japan during the war and was a Kamikaze pilot and his code name was “Chow Mein”.
I said “Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t kamikaze pilots sacrifice their own lives?”

To which he replied “Ah yes, but I was Chicken Chow Mein”
 
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