Davo
Senior member
- Location
- West of the Rabbit Proof Fence
Not all of them. Depends which species. Mute swans only, apparently.
This weeks joke
- Thread starter chrisk
- Start date
Davo
Senior member
- Location
- West of the Rabbit Proof Fence
I used to go out with a parachutist who suffered with IBS, but she shat on me from a great height.
Itchy nose would be systematic when I was dressed sterile to put in a central venous catheter.
Paul
Exmoor beast
Hero member
- Location
- Minehead,Somerset, ENGLAND OF COURSE
I knew a gynaecologist who wallpapered his lounge through the letterbox.
Thomas aus LAU
Hero member
Yes, I know him too, he has a beard - the joke, because he's so old.
Thomas aus LAU
Exmoor beast
Hero member
- Location
- Minehead,Somerset, ENGLAND OF COURSE
What about the Brazilian maid who hoovered the carpet but left a strip down the middle?
helicopterjim
Hero member
- Location
- near Lone Butte, BC, Canada
To the Immortal Memory
An Ode to predictive text.
Tae scribe a line micht tak some time, it canny be predicted,
that rhymin' wey we gie anither thochts they hinna sichted
It comes oot wrang, has it's ain slang and meanin's awfy silly
Ah'm no surprised tae see this phone assumes the next word's willy.........
An Ode to predictive text.
Tae scribe a line micht tak some time, it canny be predicted,
that rhymin' wey we gie anither thochts they hinna sichted
It comes oot wrang, has it's ain slang and meanin's awfy silly
Ah'm no surprised tae see this phone assumes the next word's willy.........
helicopterjim
Hero member
- Location
- near Lone Butte, BC, Canada
Trying saying these out loud next time you have family stop by ....
I saw Suzie sitting in a shoe shine shop
Where she sits she shines
and where she shines she sits
She stood on a balcony
inexplicably mimicking him
hiccuping and amicably
welcoming him in
One sock cutter he cuts socks
Two sock cutters they cut socks
Three sock cutters they cut socks
They all cut socks together
I saw Suzie sitting in a shoe shine shop
Where she sits she shines
and where she shines she sits
She stood on a balcony
inexplicably mimicking him
hiccuping and amicably
welcoming him in
One sock cutter he cuts socks
Two sock cutters they cut socks
Three sock cutters they cut socks
They all cut socks together
chrisk
Hero member
- Location
- Brisbane, Australia
One sock cutter he cuts socks
Two sock cutters they cut socks
Three sock cutters they cut socks
They all cut socks together
And when they don't cut socks, they're off doing cunning stunts.
Two sock cutters they cut socks
Three sock cutters they cut socks
They all cut socks together
And when they don't cut socks, they're off doing cunning stunts.
Legs
Hero member
- Location
- Adelaide Hills
The Old Gas Station
The service station trade was slow.
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick.
Piled shavings on the ground.
No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.
'Where is the ladies restroom, sir?'
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.
With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.
With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car.
Just like three gals before.
She tripped and fell -- got up,
and then in obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.
Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.
A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.
He'd wait until the gals got set and then the devilish guy,
would stop his whittling long enough, to speak into the mike.
And as she sat, a voice below struck terror, fright and fear
'Will you please use the other hole? We're painting under here'
The service station trade was slow.
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick.
Piled shavings on the ground.
No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.
'Where is the ladies restroom, sir?'
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.
With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.
With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car.
Just like three gals before.
She tripped and fell -- got up,
and then in obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.
Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.
A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.
He'd wait until the gals got set and then the devilish guy,
would stop his whittling long enough, to speak into the mike.
And as she sat, a voice below struck terror, fright and fear
'Will you please use the other hole? We're painting under here'
Andy
Hero member
- Location
- Auckland, roughly
Shajota
Hero member
- Location
- Whitsundays Qld
Ahh, the great outdoors......
Sir Sidney Ruffdiamond
Hero member
- Location
- Cotwolds
How tight ? 
terry sage
Full member
- Location
- swindon wiltshire
ouch hope its not one of yours |Adam
Sir Sidney Ruffdiamond
Hero member
- Location
- Cotwolds
fortunately not !