This weeks joke

For our foreign members: Bunnings is a large hardware chain here in Aus that traditionally hosts a take-away sausage sandwich stand at the entrance. Bunnings has decreed that the fried onions should be placed under the sausage instead of on top, thus reducing the risk of dropping slippery onions on the ground that may become a slip hazard. MSDS and SOPs to follow.

Ode to a Bunning?s onion

I am a Bunning?s onion
My life was once quite grand,
I?d get to look at everything
As you held me in your hand.

Looking out the drivers window
Or at the people you would greet,
All these scenes unfolded
Up upon my sausage seat.

Sometimes I would be blinded
Smothered by that sauce so red,
Or a squeeze of yellow mustard
Soaked up by the fresh white bread.

But now my life?s just not as good
As it used to be,
For my view is now constricted
By the snag on top of me.

And why you ask have things so changed,
Why did my status drop?
It?s all because some Gympie bloke
Trod on me and went flop!

So I?ll fade into obscurity
Underneath some dodgy meat,
Now that Bunning?s changed the way
We eat our weekend treat.

So please do not forget me
Now I?m down out of the way,
And now and then lift up that snag
And smile and say G?day!

I?ll still be just as tasty
Cooked so caramel and rich,
I?m just not as important
Since becoming Bunning?s B#tch!

Peter McFadyen
 
Received this email this morning..... :D  then a recorded message from the Australian Tax Office, saying I am going to be arrested for tax fraud if I don't pay this dude some money.....bad start to the week!  ???  :LOL:

subject 'I can destroy you'

You can complain to the police but they will not help you.
I am foreigner. So they can not track me even for 9 months.
This is my last warning!

Your system was infected by my virus.
I recorded you through your web-camera, at the moment you went to the porn web-page.
And now I have the video material with your masturbation.
We downloaded your contactlist and if you want me to keep this secret you have to pay 1000 USD in bitcoin.

Enter this bitcoin address to pay
14cNqeDxBk6mfM7bFn6xyo6Tp7B2V3DvAJ
(use it like your credit card number)

If you write back on this email my server will forward you the evidence that I manage your system.

But be warned . Immediately with proof You will be given new payment info and you will need to send 10000 $ instead of the previous sum.

All the best. Think about the disgrace.   
 
Dellortoman said:
Blimey. That's a new scam that I haven't seen before. Wouldn't work with me. I don't have a web camera  :D
Click to expand...

(jerk) (jerk) (jerk) I get that one all the time.
I just wish they would tell me what decent sites to go to, that way they could film me more often.
 
chrisk said:
(jerk) (jerk) (jerk) I get that one all the time.
I just wish they would tell me what decent sites to go to, that way they could film me more often.
Click to expand...

:LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

I've had the one left on the landline answering machine - 'tax office blah blah blah warrant no xj7 blah blah blah ... DON'T IGNORE!' I've kept it for entertainment value. But I can understand the more naiive freakn gout. You kinda do a double take when you first hear it. Guilt!!!
 
I have had two very similar messages!

Mine were a bit more sophisticated than yours, identifying one of my passwords in the email title for starters (it was indeed correct), the English and grammar were much better.
So these guys have bought hacked passwords and contact details from the dark web, then they can blackmail people to NOT divulge embarrasing information to their contacts!
I don't have much embarrasing information, so they are just shooting blindfolded.

I was sorely tempted to reply and say basically there was not much point in me paying their ransom, because I had received two messages from different scammers - I was going to get them to fight it out between themselves who was going to get the cash?

I decided just to ignore them and naff-all actually happened!
I suppose if they send out hundreds of scam emails then they might get a few bites?
 
There's a more dangerous version here in Germany. A legal office sends out a notification to pay for downloading copyright protected smut, and attach a PDF with supposedly all payment details. The PDF contains a hack into your computer and lets the sender take control. Once you pay the ransom they free up the 'puter, or perhaps not  ::)
 
Gerald said:
There's a more dangerous version here in Germany. A legal office sends out a notification to pay for downloading copyright protected smut, and attach a PDF with supposedly all payment details. The PDF contains a hack into your computer and lets the sender take control. Once you pay the ransom they free up the 'puter, or perhaps not  ::)
Click to expand...
How d'you know tht Gerald?  :o
 
https://www.reddit.com/r/ComedyCemetery/comments/7yh6sj/council_estate_lad/
 
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