This weeks joke

Hopefully the following is not taken as trying to further inflame inter country tensions;):-

An Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman were discussing their love making prowess.
The Italian says “After making passionate love with my wife I slowly rub her body with olive oil and she floats 5cm in the air with ecstasy”
The Frenchman replies “After a long night of erotic pleasure I gently soothe my wife with a massage of scented oils and she rises 10cm in the air.”
The Englishman scoffs “That’s nothing, last night after making love to my wife I wiped my knob on the curtains and she hit the f*****g ceiling”
 
Not really a joke, but I found this on another site I follow the war on. Kind-a cool that a Ukraine took the time to affix some Rossi 46 stickers to a recon-drone. Unfortunately shot down by the Russians...
That is all. No need to derail this thread to the serious issues of war.
1665867767407.png
 
Love..rda said:
View attachment 66693
Click to expand...
True story: I stopped at a red light, behind a car with a big decal that proudly read
“This car is driven by a blind person”.

Driver obviously didn’t see the light go green, my patients grew thin and gave them a toot. By the time the car went the light was red. I stopped, waited and went on green.

At the next intersection, the car, obviously driven by a blind person, had crashed up the arse of another car.

I so wanted a picture of that, but was too slow to grab my phone.
 
Shajota said:
A Frenchman and an Englishman were
Click to expand...
on a train to London, and every morning they sat in the same seats.

The Englishman noticed the the Frenchman put each hand either side of his nose, inhaled, rolled his eyes back and sighed.

Eventually, after months of watching, the Englishman asked “Monsieur, may I ask what that ritual is that you do every morning?

Sir, every night, my beautiful wife and I have wonderful sex, I remove a pubic hair from her promised land and smell her beautiful fragrance, it reminds me of the passion we shared the night before.

The next day, the Frenchman is inhaling the scent from his wifes pussy hair, the Englishman smiles, pulls an envelope from his jacket pocket, opens it, pulls out a long black pube, and does as the Frenchman does.

Frenchman whispers, Sir I see you bring your own memory with you today, perhaps we could exchange.

They trade pubes, and the Englishman inhaled a beautifully perfumed French blonde pussy hair, and was entranced by it.

The Frenchman took the Englishmans wifes pube and put it to his nose, inhaled and quick as fuck withdrew the pube away from him, holding it far away from him, in one hand.

The Englishman looked in shock, as the Frenchman said

“Pfff, my friend, a little too close to the arse!”
 
A woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.  She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"  The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.  She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."  "But I didn't use them."  'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous."We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."  "But I didn't go to any of those shows.."  "Well, we have them, and you could have."  No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.  After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.  "But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"  "That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."  "But I didn't!"  "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
 
A Russian soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt, I'll explain later.” The nun agreed. A moment later two military police ran up and asked: “Sister, have you seen a soldier?” The nun replied, “He went that way.” After the military police ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can't thank you enough, Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Ukraine.” The nun said, “I understand completely.” The soldier added, “I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!” The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would've seen a great pair of balls too. I don't want to go to Ukraine either."
 
Not a joke , but a strange , slightly amusing story regarding Prince ( as in pop star Prince , Purple Rain and all of that ) .
Prince was at the BBC Television Centre in London , to record or appear in a show or something .

A BBC employee was in a part of the building which wasn`t served by a lift , so he made his way towards the stairs in order to reach the next floor .
When he reached the stairs he found the diminutive 5 ft 2" Purple Popster being carried in the arms of one of his crew , up the stairs , with several of the Prince entourage in attendance looking suitably concerned.....

Our man asked what had befallen the Purple Pooper , sprained ankle , a sudden onset of cramp maybe , or just feeling unwell ?

Nothing like that as it turns out.....
The answer came back....." Prince doesn`t do stairs ......"......

Other short people who had no problems whatsoever with stairs include Queen Victoria ( 4 ft 11" ) , Horatio Nelson ( 5 ft 1" ) , and Charles Manson ( 5 ft 2" ).......
 
My missus is less than 4’10” and doesn’t like stairs either, but she can still do a half marathon in under 2 hours and that’s no joke. 🏃‍♀️
 
and she serves up a great meat pie, even after having gardened all day in the hot sun while the males around at that time played motorbikeys.
My late missus was 5'3" but she could jump omnto a six foot wall if she spied a rat. (which I inevitably was not allowed to shoot)
CLEM
 
I was watching a vid on American Tractor pulling and saw this tractor and realized this tractor's name is a good description for my Laverda obsession.

1668006158910.png
The run this tractor made broke something in the engine; back to the barn.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top