This week's joke

AndyW said:
CLEMTOG said:
another pan joke

working on my Pan today, just tinkering, I said , "I dont know what I would do if this thing stopped by the roadside, you could not even change a throttle cable if it broke without full workshop support"
answer
" just phone *Mick Gould recovery* "


CLEM
*google*
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Might have to explain that one for me Clem... :-X :-X
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Well, I googled Mick Gould Recovery - fuck off big trucks to recover other big trucks.
I think that is the joke.
 
Things you can only say at Mythmas:-

1. I prefer breasts to legs.
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3 Smother the butter all over the breasts.
4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
5. I've never seen a better spread!
6. I fancy a little dark meat for a change.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat!
11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you put it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!
19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.
20. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more.

 
Not quite ATGATT, no gloves!!

035_pics.jpg
 
"SECONDS BEFORE DEATH" (CHILLING)

THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN WITH JUST SECONDS LEFT TO LIVE


 

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Family sitting around the breakfast table. Boy asks his father:

"Dad, how many different type of breasts do women have?"
"Son, there are 3 types: When the lady is young, they are like melons: round and solid and mouthwatering to look at. When they cross the 30's, they start to look like pears. still tasty but hanging a bit. And the last type you will see on women in their 50's or older. These are more like onions."
"Onions, Dad??"
"Yeah - once you unpack them, the closer you get, the more tears you will have in your eyes."

Mother and daughter are listening quite upset and all of a sudden, the daughter asks her mother:
"Mom - what kind of penises do you know men have?" Mom smiles about the opportunity for a revenge and after a though she says:
"Well - there are actually 3 types of penises, too. When they are young, they are big and solid and strong like an oak. once they crossed their 30's, they are still good but more flexible like a maple tree. Once they are getting older - say - around the 50's, they are more like a christmas tree."
"A christmas tree, mom???"
"Yes: dried out from the route and the balls are just for decoration."

:-[ :o  :-[ :o  :-[ :o :-[
 
Just discovered that in the Burgundy region over in France there is a town called Anus. Looks a bit of a hole to me :D
 
Lothar, I saw your joke in English yesterday, it comes out slightly different but much the same.  :D
I'm guessing yours started in German?

A family is at the dinner table.The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many Kinds of boobs are there?' The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three Phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In Her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.. After 50, they are like onions'. 'Onions?' Yes, you see them and they make you cry. This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how Many kinds of 'willies' are there?' The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through Three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and Hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree. 'A Christmas tree?' 'Yes --- dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration'!
 
Liz, thanks for the translation, I was a bit curious about possible meanings for the last bit.
I have to remark on the almost total lack of response to this, except for DoC (who's not known for his stability at the best of times). I mean, it's just not true, I'm functionally the same as I was at 25. We all are.
Just don't talk to our wives, for some reason they all lie about things like that, I don't know why.

Ken
 
mcnicol said:
Liz, thanks for the translation, I was a bit curious about possible meanings for the last bit.
I have to remark on the almost total lack of response to this, except for DoC (who's not known for his stability at the best of times). I mean, it's just not true, I'm functionally the same as I was at 25. We all are.
Just don't talk to our wives, for some reason they all lie about things like that, I don't know why.

Ken
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Ken,

At the best of times, they don't know what they're talking about... ::)  Just needs the appropriate inspiration, everything starts working again! :D :D

piet
 
getting old is nothing to be embarrassed about - there are three (why's it always three) types of 'older geezers' - those who swear blind they still perform like they did 30 years ago (but don't), those who acknowledge the toll age takes (but deny it has any effect on themselves) and them as takes a bluey - the ones quietly smiling to themselves!

maybe we need a 'what colour's your pill' thread - bet there wouldn't be too many takers!!!
 
maybe we need a 'what colour's your pill' thread
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What about a "swap your pills"-day or week instead, Henry?
Would trade 3 yellows or 4 red ones for a blue one.
Never had them, they seem promising by their look......
Anyone interested?

Ernesto
 
Ernesto said:
maybe we need a 'what colour's your pill' thread
Click to expand...
What about a "swap your pills"-day or week instead, Henry?
Would trade 3 yellows or 4 red ones for a blue one.
Never had them, they seem promising by their look......
Anyone interested?

Ernesto
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not a bad idea, but i bet you cosi and drikko are already planning how to rework aspirin which would kind of stuff it up!!
 
SCOTTISH COMPASSION
 
 
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach.
He had no arms and no legs.
Three women, from England , Wales , and Scotland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The English woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said, "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The Scottish woman came to him and said, "'ave ya ever been fucked, laddie?"
The man broke into a big smile and said, "No".
She said, "Aye, well ya will be when the tide comes in."
 
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