This weeks joke

Blondes strike back
A beautiful Swedish blonde walks into a Vegas casino and goes straight to the roulette table. She smiles to the two dealers and bets $20,000 on one spin.
"I hope you don't mind," she says in a dreamy voice, "but I feel much luckier naked..." and she peeled off all her clothes, staying completely naked. "Come on, baby, mommy needs a new set of clothes!"
The roulette wheel stops on 13. "I won I WON!!!" Shouts the blonde and jumps in the air in excitement
She collects the winnings and her clothes, hugs the dealers and disappears.
The two dealers looked at each other in shock, until one of them pulled himself together and ask: "Did she bet on 13?"
"I don't know," said the other dealer. "I thought you were looking..."
Conclusions:
1. Not every gamble relies on luck.
2. Not all blondes are stupid.
3. But men - are always MEN!
 
SimonR501 said:
Three friends go to a restaurant for a quick bite to eat.
They decide to split the bill evenly and it comes to ?30, so they pay ?10 each.
The waiter realises that he has over-charged and the bill should have been ?25, so he goes back to the table with ?5. He anticipates problems splitting it three ways so gives each guy ?1 and pockets ?2.
So! Here's the thing! Each customer ended up paying ?9 for food, but 3?9=27.

So what happened to the other pound?
Click to expand...

25/3 = 8.333333 that each should pay, waiter gives them 1 each = 9.33333 x 3 = 28 + 2 waiter kept = 30
 
Davo said:
25/3 = 8.333333 that each should pay, waiter gives them 1 each = 9.33333 8 3 = 28 + 2 waiter kept = 30
Click to expand...
Thank you Davo! This was a conundrum  posed by a workmate.
It depends which end of the telescope you look.
The casual observer is led to the path that doesn't make sense first.
 
Davo said:
25/3 = 8.333333 that each should pay, waiter gives them 1 each = 9.33333 x 3 = 28 + 2 waiter kept = 30
Click to expand...

There's a simpler way to look at it.
Bill was 25. They each paid 9 so the three of them collectively paid 27. Waiter kept 2.

Forget about the $30, it's irrelevant to the calculation.
 
:D :D :D

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/brexit-british-jobs-david-davis-divorce-bill-spanish-pensioners-immigrants-a7934881.html
 
    Postal workers help an 83-yr-old widow, but they didn?t expect it to turn out like such:-
    There was a man who worked for the post office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
    One day, a letter came addressed, in shaky handwriting, to God, with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
    The letter read:
    ?Dear God,
    I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check.
    Next Sunday is Easter and two of my old friends are coming over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.
    Can you please help me?
    Sincerely,
    Edna?
   
Touched, the postal worker showed the letter to all the other workers.
    Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.
    By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which he put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
    The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
    Easter came and went.
    A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.
    All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
    It read:
    ?Dear God,
    How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.
    We had a very nice evening and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

    By the way, there was $4 missing.
    I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office.?
 
I keep looking but I just can't see it................

Opitical%20illusion.jpg
 
Shajota said:
Opitical%20illusion.jpg
Click to expand...

That picture reminded me of this question.

3CL wrinkle paint
? on: Today at 21:44 ?
I'm cleaning up (not restoring) a 1/1978 3CL at the moment. The headlight shell appear to have been painted in black

It looks like high beam works OK.  :P
 
SimonR501 said:
Boy! That is funny,!
Bitter and twisted springs to mind.
Click to expand...

Reminds me why I'm glad I no longer need staff - in a year or two I'd have to rely on idle British bumpkins who can barely spell their own names,  who struggle with the most basic ideas of timekeeping (and can't understand why they should turn up to work when they're supposed to) rather than bright and keen kids from abroad.  Happy happy!
 
Glossary of Medical Terms (Down-Home Version)
? Artery - The study of paintings
? Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
? Barium - What doctors do when patients die
? Benign - What you be, after you be eight
? Cesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome
? Cat scan - Searching for Kitty
? Cauterize - Made eye contact with her
? Colic - A sheep dog
? Coma - A punctuation mark
? Dilate - To live long
? Enema - Not a friend
? Fester - Quicker than someone else
? Fibula - A small lie
? Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work
? Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane
? Morbid - A higher offer
? Nitrates - Rates of pay for working at night, normally more money than dayrates
? Node - I knew it
? Outpatient - A person who has fainted
? Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis
 
(I make no apology if this is a really old joke... :D)

A recent article in the Wellington, New Zealand newspaper The Dominion Post,
reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued Wellington Hospital,
saying that after her husband had surgery there he lost all interest
in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Mr. Maynard was admitted for cataract
surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight."
 
A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high bridge, about to jump off.  An old homeless guy who was wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a quickie before you go?"

She screamed, "NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!" 

He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay then, I'll just go and wait at the bottom." 

She didn't jump.

Object lesson: Suicide counseling really does work!
 
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