This weeks joke

How the internet began
In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy.

Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg.

Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.

The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.

They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known.

He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began. And that's the truth!
 
Hmmmm? When Brexit finally comes in, will all the German and Greek bits of the Royal Family have to leave? Let alone the Russian, Dutch, French etc etc etc.
 
Davo said:
Hmmmm? When Brexit finally comes in, will all the German and Greek bits of the Royal Family have to leave? Let alone the Russian, Dutch, French etc etc etc.

It's far easier to have a few car accidents in tunnels ............... they got away with it before, they can do it again!
 
Davo said:
Hmmmm? When Brexit finally comes in, will all the German and Greek bits of the Royal Family have to leave? Let alone the Russian, Dutch, French etc etc etc.
It wasn't all about foreigners, some just want to get back control of their own country.

Watch this space! We have got one leg over the wall after they discovered our tunnel.
It might turn out to be a 'Hotel California' Brexit yet (you can check out any time you like but you can never leave).
 
This bridge is in Durham NC not too far from home, the videos of the dim drivers are just mesmerizing. There is a warning system in place but some people can't be helped.

http://11foot8.com/
 
I got pulled over by the Police at 02:00 this morning and they asked me what I was doing out at this time of the morning. I told him I was on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, smoking, gambling, and staying out late. He reckons I was bullshiting and asked me who was giving this lecture. I looked at him straight in the eye and said my wife.
 
A group of Harley riders were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. They got their ladders and tape measures and went out to the flagpole. However, the measurement job turned out to be much more difficult than any of them had expected, with some of them falling off the ladders, some dropping their tape measures and so on, and the whole thing had just turned into a big disaster.
After a while, a Laverda rider happened to walk by and saw what the Harley riders were attempting to do. He walked over, pulled the flagpole out of the ground, and laid it flat on the ground. The Laverda rider measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the Harley riders and then walked away without saying a word.
After the Laverda rider was out of sight, one Harley riders turned to another and laughed as he shook his head. "Now that's just like a Laverda rider! We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"
 
Legs said:
A group of Harley riders were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. They got their ladders and tape measures and went out to the flagpole. However, the measurement job turned out to be much more difficult than any of them had expected, with some of them falling off the ladders, some dropping their tape measures and so on, and the whole thing had just turned into a big disaster.
After a while, a Laverda rider happened to walk by and saw what the Harley riders were attempting to do. He walked over, pulled the flagpole out of the ground, and laid it flat on the ground. The Laverda rider measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the Harley riders and then walked away without saying a word.
After the Laverda rider was out of sight, one Harley riders turned to another and LOLed as he shook his head. "Now that's just like a Laverda rider! We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"

:LOL: Cam could have given them a table.
 
We've heard colleagues referring to people with "Guts" or with "Balls" .

Do they, however, know the difference between them?

Here's the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.

GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the "Guts" to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the "Balls" to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I trust this clears up any confusion.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in prognosis; both are fatal.
 
Richard 180.S2 said:
We've heard colleagues referring to people with "Guts" or with "Balls" .

Do they, however, know the difference between them?

Here's the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.

GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the "Guts" to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the "Balls" to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I trust this clears up any confusion.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in prognosis; both are fatal.

Balls you say.... :o :o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3loy0EG4uQ
 
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
 
Mozz said:
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.

:LOL:
 
Guess what the man is doing on the Paioli logo.
logo.ashx
 
Back
Top