This weeks joke

As you get older, you realize?

          #1  -  I talk to myself, because there are times I need expert advice.

          #2  -  I consider "On Trend" to be the clothes that still fit.

          #3  -  I don't need Anger Management.  I need people to stop pissing me off.

          #4  -  My people skills are just fine.  It's my tolerance for idiots that needs work.

          #5  -  The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."

          #6  -  I have days when my life is just a tent away from a circus.

          #7  -  These days, "on time" is when I get there.

          #8  -  Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.

          #9  -  Wouldn?t it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes,

                  then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?

        #10  -  Lately, I've noticed people my age are so much older than me.

        #11  -  "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering why I'm there.

        #12  -  When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment ?. Now it feels like a mini vacation.

        #13  -  Some days I have no idea what I'm doing out of bed.

        #14  -  I thought growing old would take longer.

        #15  -  Aging sure has slowed me down, but it hasn't shut me up.

        #16  -  I still haven't learned to act my age.


 
The only way  to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quick bout of love making' with their 8-year  old son in the apartment
was to send him  out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street  activities.
He began his  commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
'There's a  car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.
'An  ambulance just drove by!'
'Looks like  the Anderson 's have company,' he called out.
'Matt's  riding a new bike!'
'Looks like  the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on  his skate board!

After a few  moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having a root!!'
Startled,  his mum and dad shot up in bed!
Dad  cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?'

'Jimmy  Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar!!!'
 
A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?" the husband asks, ''What happened?"

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist, he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat
"I do not have a Headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache.."
It Worked! The headaches are all gone."


The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."

His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"


The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.

He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"

The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back.." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,
She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
"She's not my Wife.
She's Not my wife.
She's not my wife..."


His funeral service will be held on Friday.
 
F1 Grid girls gone, Is this the way of the future......... :'(
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