This weeks joke

Davo said:
Sharks in WA are obviously sick of swimming and are now using boats to catch their prey.

"A Perth boatie has had the shark encounter of a lifetime, being stalked by four sharks, including a Great White, in an inflatable boat." from PerthNow
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What do you call the mushy stuff between a Great White shark's teeth?

Slow swimmers.
 
Piranha Brother 2 said:
Sounds like the little fellas were hoping to mate with the rubber boaty!
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Funny story, but true ?

When I was at Davis Station in Antarctica (1990-91), the zoologists used rubber boats to get around the islands to observe wildlife. They were substantial boats with rigid floor and transom that could safely carry a bunch of people and equipment. Anyway, they left a boat on the shore of one of the islands while they went off counting bird nest sites (or whatever boffins do). When they got back to the boat, they found an elephant seal trying to hump it. As the name implies, they're fucking big seals, and his weight on top of the boat had burst the inflatable pontoons, rendering the boat somewhat unseaworthy.

Luckily we had helicopters on station at the time so the stranded boffins were able to radio the station for a rescue. Once they were safely back, a couple of us volunteered to go back to the island and retrieve the boat. The damage to the boat was impressive. It had 3 or 4 (can't remember) separate inflatable compartments, all of which had burst like party balloons, and the seal's mating gyrations had mashed the outboard motor into a million bits. Even the rigid parts of the boat (aluminium and plywood) were bent and fucked. None of it was salvageable, but we had to clean up the mess so we loaded the rubbish into a caged pallet and slung it under the helicopter (and before Jim asks, it was an Aerospatiale AS350  :D ).
 
Ever read 'The Worst Journey in the World' by Apsley Cherry-Garrard? Definatley not a joke
 
No Terry, I haven't read that particular book, but I'm familiar with the story of Scott and co. The whole expedition was a cock-up from start to finish. Poorly planned and badly provisioned. They took a whole lot of crap that was of little use and didn't have the stuff they really needed. It's a wonder the poor buggers got as far as they did. They must have been as tough as nails.

Mawson's Antarctic Diaries is a good read too, if you like heroically tragic adventure stories. I have a copy if you wanna borrow it.

Cheers,
Cam
 
The worst journey referred to in the title concerns a trip across the sea ice in the antarctic winter to recover penguin eggs for scientific research. First hand account of the discovery of Scott's body covered.
The book is a must read for anybody interested in the subject and an unbelievable record of human endurance.
 
Not heard it called a Gaystar. I thought its nickname was Squirrel (?cureuil in Froggy-speak).

The company that has the contract to provide helicopters for Australia's Antarctic activities is only about 15 mins from my place. I did a bit of engineering work for them a while back. All their helicopters are bright red, presumably so they stand out against the ubiquitous white background in Antarctica. Makes life easier if you're trying to find a crashed one, which has happened a couple of times.
 
Yeah ...... I know a few fellows who have done some flying in the Antarctic ........ they preferred to keep crashing in the "not an option" department. Unfortunately I lost one friend who didn't crash but wandered off nosing around and fell in a crevasse ..... he wasn't hurt too bad but they were unable to get him out immediately .... and as he was the pilot ...... it took quite a while to get help. In that time he had frozen to death.

Gaystar is only one of many nicknames .... but every heli gets a nickname. When they brought them to North America they changed the name fro Ecureil to Astar. It didn't take long to get the name Falling star or Deathstar as they had many engine problems and lots of flameouts! Much better now.

I don't have a lot of experience in them but enough to say that the mentality of the construction and operation is counterintuitive to American products so I didn't enjoy the transition. I'm happy enough to fly anything as long as I'm getting paid though .....
 
Dellortoman said:
Poorly planned and badly provisioned. They took a whole lot of crap that was of little use and didn't have the stuff they really needed.
Cheers,
Cam
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Come now. They did have 1&1/2 tons of Coleman's mustard. Poorly provisioned, crap.  :o  Pffffftttt  :LOL:
 
helicopterjim said:
they preferred to keep crashing in the "not an option" department.
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The other day I heard a jargon-speak euphemism for a plane crash used by a regional airline in USA(forget which airline). It was something like "non-routine flight procedure" or some such crap.
 
Dellortoman said:
The other day I heard a jargon-speak euphemism for a plane crash used by a regional airline in USA(forget which airline). It was something like "non-routine flight procedure" or some such crap.
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Yeah ....... we're not supposed to use the old terminology anymore. I still get in shit for that because I prefer to say "he fucked up" when he fucked up.
 
helicopterjim said:
Yeah ....... we're not supposed to use the old terminology anymore. I still get in shit for that because I prefer to say "he fucked up" when he fucked up.
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Back in the day, on US flights, you could turn your ear set over to listen to the pilots and control towers talking. I was on UA358, or something like that, and the pilot had been changed to another tower, Denver I think. Pilot introduced the flight as United358, well the chick in the control room barreled him for not using the correct terminology, and demanded he rename the flight correctly or she would report him, unless he recalled the flight UA358.

I suppose if he said ?get fucked? it wouldn?t have helped.

 
Dellortoman said:
The other day I heard a jargon-speak euphemism for a plane crash used by a regional airline in USA(forget which airline). It was something like "non-routine flight procedure" or some such crap.
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non-routine flight excursion with premature termination?

We had some Operational Experience come through the other day at work, the title was something like 'Dropped Lagging Tool from Platform'. When I opened it up there was a photo of an axe!
Obviously 'Dropped Axe' was an unpalatable truth!
 
chrisk said:
I suppose if he said ?get fucked? it wouldn?t have helped.
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True story ....... an airline pilot accidently "hot miked" ..... ie, spoke to his cojo casually but accidently hit the transmit button ...... and when he realized it he said"fuck" just before he killed the transmit.  Big pause on the radio and then ATC came on and said "Who Said FUCK?". Again a big pause and then some quick thinking Air Canada pilot answered "So and So Center ..... this is Air Canada 123 .... Negative on the FUCK." After that every aircraft that could also chimed in with the "Negative on the FUCK" as by asking and using the word Fuck, ATC had cleared them to use it as a response. I got this from two Air Canada pilots ..... one who was airborne at the time but out of range ...... the story spread quickly on the company frequency.

Just waiting for my chance to come along ......
 
helicopterjim said:
True story ....... an airline pilot accidently "hot miked" ..... ie, spoke to his cojo casually but accidently hit the transmit button ...... and when he realized it he said"fuck" just before he killed the transmit.  Big pause on the radio and then ATC came on and said "Who Said FUCK?". Again a big pause and then some quick thinking Air Canada pilot answered "So and So Center ..... this is Air Canada 123 .... Negative on the FUCK." After that every aircraft that could also chimed in with the "Negative on the FUCK" as by asking and using the word Fuck, ATC had cleared them to use it as a response. I got this from two Air Canada pilots ..... one who was airborne at the time but out of range ...... the story spread quickly on the company frequency.

Just waiting for my chance to come along ......
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I mean, who is going to admit to it anyway???
 
For the aussies:-

Rushcutters Bay Times, Friday 11th Jan 2019.

The Skipper of this years Sydney to Hobart Line Honers winner, Mark Richards has just released the following Statement-

In response to fucking intense fucking speculation and fucking misinformation on the fucking Sailing Anarchy fucking website, I on behalf of the owners and connections of Wild Oats XI, wish to fucking well address the fucking issue of our fucking AIS fucking transmissions during last years fucking Hobart fucking race. Shortly before the fucking start, the fucking helicopter was fucking hovering just above our fucking masthead, making it fucking hard for the fucking crew to fucking hear my calm fucking instructions and playing fucking havoc with my fucking hair. One of the fucking roter blades fucking hit our fucking aerial and obviously fucked it.

The fucking thing was fucking split right down the fucking middle, resulting in it only fucking receiving, not fucking transmitting. As we fucking approached the fucking finish fucking line, one of those fucking great big fucking Tasmanian seagulls fucking shat on the fucking thing and that glued it back into one piece, and the fucking thing started working again.

The fucking AIS was switched to fucking transmit but it is fucking clear that for much of the race the fucking fucker was fucked. We fucking resent the fucking allegations that we fucking cheated and we are demanding a fucking apology from fucking Yachting Australia, the fucking CYCA, Fucking Squwark and all the other fucking competitors, the fucking helicopter pilot, the fucking Australian Cricket fucking team, NSW fucking waterways, the Fucking state Premier, the entire fucking federal Government, Sydney fucking ferries, every fucking Palm beach owner, Jimmy fucking Spithill, fucking Jack Sparrow, Paps 49, 50 and 51 and that fucking cunt Mid.

Thank you all for your interest and support of this wonderful event. Parody, courtesy our Sailing Anarchy forums?
 
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