This weeks joke

Basketcase said:
Can admin of this group do a better job of monitoring who is allowed in here please?

We have a new member, an older lady.

She's been privately messaging members, sending them naked pictures of herself in nasty poses along with close ups of her unmentionables.

She is offering an iphone x max in exchange for sexual favors. I am especially bothered because it turned out to be an iphone 8 and obviously something's wrong with it. It's super slow and the caps lock is stuck on.

If you hold the caps button for a longer time, and it reverts lower case, chances are that's the old phone I gave my ex-wife............... did she ever get those genital warts and crabs under control?
 
This will upset some here.....

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One, they're very efficient but not very funny....
 
A woman takes a baby to the doctor, he examines the child and says it's underweight and asks if it's breast fed. Yes she said so the doctor asked her to strip to the waist. She did, then he squeezed her nipples, massaged them and rubbed them gently. 'No wonder this baby's underweight, you have no milk!'  'I know' she's says with a look of ecstacy on her face 'I'm it's grandma.'
 
I could say the same for dogs Chris, but Im too polite. Sorry something about following them around with a plastic bag. :-[
 
andre g said:
Chris,
it is not funny. My wife likes cats.....

So does mine ............ bloody thing cost me $1,000 boarding kennel cost's when my wife went away for 3 weeks.  >:(

$1,000 is actually a quarter of the cost of the lounge suite it scratched the fuck out of, within 5 weeks of being new.  >:( >:( >:(
The antique chair that cost $2,000 to have recovered, only to have pulled threads within a week.  >:( >:( >:( >:( >:
Plus the cost of a scratching pole, it refuses to use, rather, it prefers lounge suites.

So far, $7,000 in cost's in the first 12 months of living with us, for a cat that cost $200 from a rescue.  :o  >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(

And recently it's been taking fancy to pissing in my garage, seems kitty litter isn't good enough  >:( >:(







 
And there I was thiking,"Great, a funny joke without a victim". The cat problem is that some people should never be allowed animals for pets. All cats should be sterilised and they should be kept so well fed that they couldn?t be fucked lifting a paw to catch anything. Even that won?t stop their instinct for killing, but it will dampen it, which is not the point for the farm cat whose job is to eat mice. All the feral cats out there now is another problem, the horse has bolted. Anyway we?ve had the cat debate here before.
Anyway, on a similar note to the cat joke, have you heard the one about the pacific islander who was travelling with his family for the first time to a flash hotel. He was sitting with his son in the lobby and saw an old lady hobble through some doors into a little room. Some lights and stuff flashed and a few minutes later the door opened and a stunning young lady emerged from the box. After he got his eyeballs poked back into his head and regained his composure he turns to his son "Go and get your mother".
 
For those of you that have ridden a bike/motorcycle or are inclined to do so (in cold weather) and need a good laugh.
People often complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker and a frozen carburetor.
Last January on a bitterly cold winter's day, a North Dakota State Trooper on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full-face helmet to protect the face from the cold weather.
?What?s the matter? asked the Trooper
"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply
"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."
"I can't," said the biker.
"OK, watch me closely and I'll show you." The Trooper unzipped and promptly warmed the carburetor as promised.
Moments later the bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the local State Troopers? office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorcyclist.
It began: "On behalf of my daughter Jill..."
 
Back
Top