This weeks joke

helicopterjim said:
I Follow Roads, River and Railways. If it gets too foggy I just reach out the door and keep one hand on the ground for reference!

Jim
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Our old place was on the most direct road from Christchurch to the skifields. Rescue choppers used our place as the turning point. Veer south for Mt Hutt, north for the fields around Arthurs Pass. First few days of the ski season were always noisy. Not very high and going fast as possible.
 
GregT said:
Our old place was on the most direct road from Christchurch to the skifields. Rescue choppers used our place as the turning point. Veer south for Mt Hutt, north for the fields around Arthurs Pass. First few days of the ski season were always noisy. Not very high and going fast as possible.
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The flying fortress that the French used for aerial photography for the purpose of making maps in pre GPS days once seemed to use our first house as a turning point and it spent several days turning quite low as I was up repairing a roof.

Paul
 
Some one liners in case your Christmas cracker jokes aren't bad enough

Never marry a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

Did you hear the one about the one-armed Vampire Hunter?

His business crumbled after he lost his main stakeholder.

Update on the one-armed Vampire Hunter: he has started a new career as a typist.

The good thing about communist jokes is that everyone gets them.

So what if I cant spell armagedon, its not the end of the world!

Police have arrested two men in connection with the theft of fireworks and batteries.

They let off one, but charged the other.

I tried curried pelican in an Indian restaurant the other night.

It wasnt bad, but the bill was enormous!

Shout out to all the people wondering what the opposite of 'in' is.

My farmer friend asked me to help round up his 37 sheep.

I said "40".

A gang of thieves broke into my local supermarket and stole 15 cans of Red Bull.

I just don't know how they sleep at night.

I'm on the shortlist for the 'World's Laziest Contortionist' award.

Fingers crossed.


I bought a dog off a blacksmith the other day.

As soon as I got him home he was making a bolt for the door.

Big shoutout to everyone who sent me their interpretation of the word "many".

It means a lot.

I once bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said "Thanks"

I said "Dont mention it."
 
Eurocycleguy said:
So very very true.
Just wondering...have there been any thumb injuries due to this activity? "Android paralysis" "Mobile-itis" ???
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Dunno... but the Darwin Theory is being supported by general cleansing of the gene pool through cars, trucks and trams etc... :rolleyes:

piet
 
Dear Santa:
When I was a child, my father cheated on my Mom and didn't love my family. Later, my parents divorced.
Soon my mother died in a car accident.
My brother and I could only live in my grandma's old house.

Grandma's sister was an alcoholic.
The whole family lived on my grandma's savings.
Grandma recently died.
My Uncle Andy is barely keeping himself out of jail from day to day
My brother left home and won't talk to us anymore.
Dad, now 73, had to go out to work to support the family and eventually he is going to want me to do the same thing."
Yours sincerely,
Prince William
 
Ian D said:
Dear Santa:
When I was a child, my father cheated on my Mom and didn't love my family. Later, my parents divorced.
Soon my mother died in a car accident, I’m thinking the family arranged it.
My brother and I could only live in my grandma's old house.

Grandma's sister was an alcoholic.
The whole family lived on my grandma's savings.
Grandma recently died.
My Uncle Andy is barely keeping himself out of jail from day to day
My brother left home and won't talk to us anymore.
Dad, now 73, had to go out to work to support the family and eventually he is going to want me to do the same thing."
Yours sincerely,
Prince William
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Fixed
 
My wife recently reminded me why it’s important for men to at least pretend that the wife is always in charge.

A young couple have just got married. The husband tells the wife to put on a pair of his trousers. They are a bad fit and the husband says, that’s to show you who wears the trousers in this relationship. The wife responds, well you put these knickers on. He says, you know I can’t get into your knickers, to which she replies, and that’s the way it will stay until your attitude improves.
 
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