This weeks joke

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I thought first of all that the hot weather had got to me , and I had started to hallucinate .......


Item no longer available ......... either someone`s bagged a bargain , or it`s been consigned to the nearest skip .......
 
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To many , AI is no joke .......... but when applied in this manner , the result can be quite funny ..........


At the risk of provoking heated political debate ....... just remember this is only about Scotland , before you get too worked up ........

Anyway , for the benefit of those outside the UK , the context is as follows .........

Scottish Nationalist ex -leader Mrs Murrell is shocked to discover hubby Mr Murrell has been spending £ 400,000 of £600,000 worth of funds set aside for campaigning purposes on things like motorhomes , electric toothbrushes , coffee machines , space telescopes , hand lotion , fountain pens , schoolboy uniforms and so on ...... ( allegedly ) .......... All this came as a complete shock to Mrs Murrell , who obviously knew nothing about it ..... ( allegedly ) .........

Mrs ( now ex Mrs ) Murrell has since moved down to London in order to pursue a new career telling stories ....... sorry , writing novels ..........




That`s the political bit over and done with .............. makes me laugh , anyway ...........
 
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3 women travelling together were all tragically killed in a car accident.
Being good citizens they find themselves being greeted at the Pearly gates by St Peter.
Before he opens the gates he says to them,
"There is only one rule in heaven, Do Not Step on the Ducks!"
The ladies look at each other puzzled as they are ushered into Heaven.
Suddenly before them is a sea of ducks, they are everywhere and basically cover everything.
The women start gingerly walking around careful not to stand on a duck, but inevitably one of them does.
Instantly the ugliest man they have ever seen is beside the one who stood on the duck and she is destined to be attached to this fellow and be his mate for the rest of eternity.
The other 2 are mortified and are extra careful not to step on a duck.
Unfortunately after a couple of days one of the other 2 falters and steps on a duck. 'Poof' another extremely ugly man appears beside her as her lifelong mate.
The 3rd woman decides she has to be ultra careful and over time is doing a great job navigating heaven without standing on a duck.
After a couple of months of careful movements and avoiding the ducks, suddenly the most beautiful young man she has ever seen appears beside her.
She looks at him overjoyed at this turn of events and wonders aloud, "I wonder what happened there"
The man turns, looks at her and says,
"I don't know about you, but I stood on an 'effing duck!"
 
julian said:
Can someone add some jokes please!
I clock on here to brighten my day when stress clicks in,
Thanks all for being my stress relief :D:D
Click to expand...
Conscious of definitely differing senses of humour around the world Julian and of course demographics, apparently not everyone fits into the 'grumpy old bastard who rides classic motorbicycles'😆 But I try from time to time and I guess some appeal only to some:eek:
Anyway, Little Jonny's always worth a laugh so..............

Little Johnny's father is a horse trainer and one day Little Johnny goes with him to one of the horse sales.
They are walking along looking at the horses.
Occasionally, Little Johnny's dad stops and checks out a horse, rubbing his hand up and down the horses legs, chest and rump.
Little Johnny watching, says, "Why do you do that dad?"
"I have to check the horse is sound before I buy them Johnny" his dad says,
So they keep walking and Johnny is deep in thought,
After a while he says "Dad...........is the postman going to buy mum?"
 
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