This weeks joke

..NEVER ASSUME MEN UNDERSTAND
A wife had been in a coma for months and suddenly when the nurses were washing her private parts they noticed the heart monitor change. So they told the husband that a little oral sex might bring her round.. They drew the curtains but after a few minutes her monitor flatlined - no pulse no heartbeat.. The nurses asked him what happened and he replied, "I think she choked."

Apologies if previously posted..
 
A rabbit goes into a job centre and asks if there were any jobs available for rabbits.
The manager tells him they have no jobs for rabbits and not really likely to.
The rabbit asks if he can come in periodically to see if any jobs comes up and the manager says no problems.
Next day the rabbit calls in and asks the same question.
The Manager again tells him no and not likely to.
The rabbit calls in regularly every day and the manager is getting heartily sick of it and is adamant they will never have a job for a rabbit.
The rabbit is undeterred and keeps calling.
One morning a tall fellow in a flash suit walks in and asks if they have any rabbits he can hire?
The manager is dumbstruck and he says, "you know we have a rabbit comes in every day looking for a job, I'll let him know."
Later on the rabbit calls and before he asks the manager tells him, you wouldn't believe it but a bloke came in looking for rabbits to employ.
He didn't think it would ever happen.
The Rabbit asks what's the job and he tells him they are a filming a remake of Watership Down and looking for rabbits for the major roles.
"An acting job?" says the rabbit "Piss off, I'm an electrician"
 
I like that Peter, because during the week in our Sydney branch they had a washing machine and dryer installed by a plumber 😳

I had washing to be done and asked if I could christen it. I opened the lid and the bowl was 3/4 full of water…. Spin cycle, normal cycle and the water remained.

I opened the cupboard door where the drain hose hooked into the pea trap. Putting the machine on spin cycle the hose moved, so had pressure🤔 Grabbed a screwdriver and und the drain hose and jammed the screwdriver up the arse of the spigot, it hadn’t been drilled out, so I did. Machine now operational

The manager was told, in my presence, the story.

“I’ve had those plumbers out here twice, and even called the store to get what the plumbers said was a faulty machine repaired under warranty”

He pointed at all the staff around and says “FFS, no one here could fix it and a fucken truck driver walks in and fixes it” 😡

And I’m not a rabbit
 
Tippie said:
Same thing happened to me last week. New kitchen and everything installed by tradesmen. Alarm code flashing on new dishwasher. Try everything, then take the hose off the stub under the sink, very professional.
Click to expand...
There's your problem.
If you want a job done to your satisfaction, do it yourself. I installed my own new kitchen about 10 years ago. Did it all myself. Flooring, bricklaying, window and skylight, plastering, plumbing, electrical, painting, cupboards, benchtops, installation of oven, cooktop, diswasher... everything. It took me maybe 10 times longer than a team of tradies would have done it, but I paid careful attention to every stage of the project. Planned each job in minute detail and did it right. The only thing I didn't feel confident doing myself was laying the vinyl floor covering (in hindsight I should have used tiles). Guess what part of the job I'm not happy with. Yep, the vinyl floor. The professional floor covering bloke did it very quickly but he got it wrong. It has a rectangular tile pattern and he laid it slightly crooked so it doesn't line up with the room. It's only a few degrees out and a casual observer wouldn't notice, but to me it sticks out like dog's balls.
 
Dellortoman said:
It's only a few degrees out and a casual observer wouldn't notice, but to me it sticks out like dog's balls.
Click to expand...

Once you know it’s out of whack, you notice it all the time.

My house is brick, at eye level on the back deck area there is a brick near the door that had been laid a bit wonky. Every time I look at it, I cringe a bit…. I’ve given up asking myself how pissed the brickie must have been, oddly nobody else has ever mentioned it 🙄
 
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