This weeks joke

Three men die and are standing at the pearly gates in front of St. Peter. St. Peter tells them, "To gain entry into heaven, you must tell me how you died."
The first man steps forward and says "Well, I got off work early today, and came home to my 10th floor apartment. Walked in, and found my wife naked in bed. I looked out the door to our balcony, and saw a man's hands holding onto the edge. In a fit of rage, I ran out and stomped on his fingers, and he fell. I looked over the balcony, and he had landed in some bushes and was still moving. So I unplugged our refrigerator and pushed it off the balcony, and it landed on him. Then I shot my wife and killed myself."
St. Peter thinks for a moment and says "Well, there's some bad stuff there, but given the situation, we can let it pass. You may enter."
The second man steps forward. "I was exercising on my trampoline, on my 12th floor balcony, when I jumped a little too high and accidentally fell over the railing - but luckily I caught myself a couple floors below. I'm hanging there, holding on for dear life, when I hear someone come out - I'm thinking he heard my scream and was coming to help me. But this guy..he starts stomping on my hands! I lose my grip and fall to the ground. Luckily, I landed in some thick brush, and I was hurt, but I was still alive! I'm kinda moving around, checking to see what's broken and stuff, when I look up to see this maniac push his refrigerator off the balcony! It lands on me and kills me."
St. Peter is shaking his head, "Son, that is some horrible luck. Of course you may enter and enjoy paradise."
The third man, having heard the stories of both men before him, steps forward with his head hung low and starts, "So.....I'm sitting naked in the refrigerator...."
 
It snowed last night...
8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crew from CTV showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far right protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

By noon it all melted away.



Moral of this story is: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become. All because of a few "flakes".
 
Gerald said:
It snowed last night...
8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crew from CTV showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far right protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

By noon it all melted away.



Moral of this story is: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become. All because of a few "flakes".
Click to expand...
I think Gerald that the problem has to do with where did you put the broom stick?
 
Three friends are discussing their wives' vacation.
The first one says: My wife is going to the Red Sea, she bought all the scuba diving equipment, but she can't even swim
The second says: My wife is going to France to skydive; but she is afraid to fly!
The third say: My wife is going to Congo, she bought a box of Durex XXL condoms and she doesn't even have a dick...
 
Ian D said:
Three friends are discussing their wives' vacation.
The first one says: My wife is going to the Red Sea, she bought all the scuba diving equipment, but she can't even swim
The second says: My wife is going to France to skydive; but she is afraid to fly!
The third say: My wife is going to Congo, she bought a box of Durex XXL condoms and she doesn't even have a dick...
Click to expand...
Paddy is talking to his mate Mick and says "I'm ready to have another holiday, but this time I'm going to do things differently. You see 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant, 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant and last I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant"
"So what are you going to do different this year Paddy?" Mick asks
"This year, I'm taking Mary with me.."
 
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